'I Don't Know Syndrome' having its toll over me!

She called me up to ask for schedule of Bus/trains/Flights for Shimla trip!
No i am not a part of it..She was happy that she was going on a holiday to Shimla..she will enjoy and was really excited ..i am also happy for her..i like her to be happy always..but somewhere i felt a pain..she is going on Christmas Day!
i had all sorts of plans, gifts , outings..i wanted to take her somewhere out but she refused and said she can't take half day leave even..anyways..no grievances whatsoever after that..

I wanted to have a lunch with her today and asked her for the same..but she didn't turn up..said
'You know i am not well' though she went to the beauty parlor ..

No, she didn't ask me what were my plans, perhaps that is not to be expected even..
I said 'I will be left alone'..
her answer 'you are alone as i live in my home n u in your room'..
Answer even worse than the worst expected!
i don't know what she meant by this..may be she wants me to feel insulted again..

After the last night with that 'I Don't know Syndrome' all around with every question, i have no respite but just left to take it more, swallow it inside until i am stabbed to death!
She will be the last visitor to me after my Death..I can bet over that..
I don't expect anything now but Expectations are natural and they come by themselves..
i need to master the art to forget everything about her and stop expecting anything..
I don't know what she wants but her thinking is getting clearer day-by-day.It used to be cluttered but now the picture is very clear.

She doesn't respect me or our relation rather takes everything for granted.She said it last night 'I don't have any respect for our relationship atleast from my side'.
I am still confused even after getting rebuked time and again, even after the healthy advices from A and N.
To my Question ' Do you Love me or not' She said 'I Don't Know'
To my Question 'Am i your BF or what' she said 'I Don't Know'
I begged her for the answer but she didn't move.

I just know one thing..I wanted everything to be alright but now i just don't want her, i just don't want her to be part of my life,she doesn't deserve that.